Tag Archives: book

Lilith (XIV)

“If you don’t take the piece with me, I won’t talk to you” – she felt the wine untie her thoughts a little more.

“Would you do that?”
“Seriously. You drag the girl to lunch and then dig into the side dish. “

“And which of those pieces would you recommend? … so it’s up to you.”


He looked up from the bowl full of couscous. She waited for his to react.

“I’ll taste the shark well” – and he reached out to reach Neptune’s bowl.

“You have no imagination” – she played a disappointed tone.

“You didn’t let me have it … I’m just like you, I don’t know anything about you … just about running away, renting cars, Lil, you like Mediterranean cuisine, you don’t like strawberry juice, you listen to music and you like sweet … fantasy can make a lot of gossip out of these clues … you can be anyone … “” Who, for example? ” ? You ran away on your wedding day …… you had to … “

“Go on – it sounds believable.”

“You shot your fiancé.” still asleep…. you shot him over the pillow in the head… “

“Who you are?”

“No one – but you don’t believe me.”

“I’ll go – will you give me the car keys?” She got up from the table.

“You have them in your pocket.”

She reached into her pockets. They were there.

“I’m not afraid of you.”

“You don’t have to be afraid of me – I don’t need to lie. And it is normal to trust those who lie more than those who would be ashamed to lie … “

“Why did you put those keys in my pocket …”

“I’m unbearable – I know – it would be too beautiful if you stayed. But it doesn’t happen – and not to complicate it – Your misunderstanding, you’re free to go to the car now, take your bag – maybe even with the car – “

“And you..?” “I…? I touch the couscous, finish the wine, have the lobster packed, take it to the homeless at the station .. it’s not caviar, but maybe it will be appreciated… I’ll buy the lilies on the way and go to the observatory in the evening… “
” Why don’t you at least give me – or something … Whatever “
” ..and what would change? “
” You’re weird… Really weird, have fun “- and she left. A black-and-white shadow approached the table.
” Any other wishes? “
” And I will pay. ”
“ Sure, sir… you will pay by card or cash ”
“ By card ” “I will be right back”

On the way from the restaurant to the flower shop he lit a cigarette. He didn’t have the courage to turn his head into the aisle with the car. What if the car didn’t stand there. He had a phone number for her on that wonderful recipe, but she wouldn’t answer. He was sure of that.
“Please have white lilies” – the saleswoman asked.
“Do we have … how many do you want?”
“For the last 100 bucks”
“It will be a great embrace”
“She always wanted lilies – she can never buy more than for the last money.”
“Did she want to?” … I’m sorry… It will be a sad embrace ”
He remembered all her wishes.

Lilith (XIII)

“Do I evoke the feeling of a guy in you? I’m not trying to be him now …”
“It doesn’t look like that …”
“So I can switch to dumb mode … I’m doing pretty well … by itself”
“I wouldn’t go to lunch with a dumb … even if” she recalled.
“I guess we have something to talk about … what it looks like.”
“Why don’t you shave?”
“Maybe to make me look more serious… older … or I’m lazy … something from everyone.” “Do you want to look older? You don’t have to … you are” – she looked at him with those eyes. She knew exactly what it looked like. Heavy caliber.
“You like to provoke, don’t you?”
“No, I want to see you … in fact, only now do I have the opportunity and the courage to take a good look at you.”
“In that case, I dare to watch too … without permission I would not dare… fucking rules.” “Are you affraid?”
“Should I be afraid??”
“Maybe a fish bone in your throat will catch you” – she said with a clear ambiguity. “The shark has no bones … but I didn’t know it had such beautiful eyes.” “You want to pack me … don’t you?”
“I want to have another wine …” “You should have that tea … rather …. Maybe you really put something in it …”
“I’ll give … I’ll try tea … I’ll fall asleep than they bring him .. “
” Are you tired? ” “Well … maybe not even … just … but nothing…”

The waiter brought something in a cart covered with a large chrome hatch. “Pardon me …” he removed the napkin from her plate, then to him. He opened the hatch … and a portion for about five people appeared beneath him. He picked up the individual pieces with silver tongs and served them to her on a plate. Picture both from a culinary special. He served beautifully colored couscous on a dessert plate. “I have to say, it looks really beautiful.” “Pardon…” – he moved to him. “Thank you – I’ll just taste the couscous.”
The waiter and she looked up in surprise.
“I’ll bring the lobster separately.”
“Why don’t you want to taste anything?”
” I don’t want to spoil the taste of the side dish … I want to know how it tastes … I’m curious … it’s not from you, but I’m looking forward to this one. ” .
The waiter brought the lobster on a tray… and placed it with professional elegance on a vivid picture of the table “Anything else to drink, lady?” “… thank you, I have it, … I think.”
She looked at him ..
“It’s up to you.” Meanwhile, the waiter grabbed a bottle of red and refilled his glass. “And please have some tea… for me.”- he said. A strange company … one red wine and couscous… she tea and luxury from the sea… – thought the waiter.
“I wish you good taste,” the waiter wished, trying not to sound too ironic.
“Can you please bring me a wine glass, too? … Please,” she asked.
In an instant he was back and filled the glass and the lady. “Toast – tea and wine would be barbaric” – she picked up the glass
“A toast to what?”
“Just for nothing” “..live yourself … I didn’t even ask you your name …”
“Lil … and you?”
“A” – he replied.
“And what?”
“That’s my name.”
“Is that a nickname? No one’s name is A. “
“You see – don’t spoil the food experience by my name -“
“The fish is great … you should have … but I won’t persuade you.”

“Maybe then… If the couscous isn’t to be eaten …” – but he knew he would praise the food he wouldn’t like. “Salmon? .. it looks right… and fresh it is easy to prepare it well ”- he realized that he started teaching again. I have to reverse gear, he thought.

“I don’t know if I should taste a shark either – I’ll feel like a cannibal …” – she said.
“even a shark soup is great ” — damn, reverse … put reverse gear – he cursed in his mind.
“Yes … she must be good”
“Must or does it? … have you ever tasted it at all?” – she noticed the illogy of the answers.
“Yes… but it’s been so long ago … I just remember I liked it…”
“You’re weird …” “I could say the same thing” – he smiled exaggeratedly. “It’s not bad …” – commented on the couscous . “Don’t you really want to taste it? ”
“ Really no … thank you. ”
“ Who are you? ”
“ Nobody … really. ”
“ How nobody? ”
“ I don’t know. “
“Are you upset?” “Why?” “You’re different from the others I know. You still remind me of someone and I’ll find out who.”
“I’ve never tried oysters,” she changed the subject.
“So I’m curious how you like it.”
“They look weird”
” I’m pretty sure you won’t like it, but you could survive with oysters”
“Survive on oysters.” Like Robinson? ”
“Yes, no eccentricity – just the only food you have available.”
“Like a homeless man stuffed with caviar?” – she was amused by the idea of ​​a man on a station bench holding a small fork with dirty hands and enjoying salted fish in prenatal age. “If he manages to steal it, why not? A bit of a decadent idea – but nothing impossible – unlike absolutely imaginable things that won’t happen. “
“For example?”
“For example,” he wondered if to confide. “Quite a fresh example. It never occurred to me that a girl would steal my car, wait for me at the finish line, and then come to lunch with me.” “This is an unrealistic example, but it has happened. I want to know a real example that will never happen.” – she stared at him.
“OK … maybe I’ll let you pay for this lunch.”
“Do you think I can’t afford it? Now?
“You would offend me …”
“Maybe I want to offend you.” No, I’m kidding. “
“Only you know that.”
“Will you pour me more wine?”
“Yes – but be careful, it’s a strong wine.”
She drank and looked around the table. Almost nothing left the tray. The lobster was waiting.

Lilith (XII)

“A point for you,” he nodded appreciatively.
“Not a draw.”

“Are we competing?” He raised an eyebrow. “You know – I can’t compete much – I’m not a competitive type. Sometimes I switch to predator mode and it’s not good for anyone – I don’t want to compete. “

“Why the Predator?”

“Predator or terminator – and always in the wrong versions.”

“I like the predator… Predator is sympathic for me”

“Sympathic? What? That movie? ”

“Yes. It’s fun … “

“But they want to kill themselves there, don’t they?”

“Predators do that ‘

“Yes – they eliminate – the fastest way to minimize a problem is to eliminate it, but in the long run it’s not the solution.”

“So, I already know about you that you’re weird – and that’s a lot – then that you’re an eliminator.”

“It’s not …just… we’re just constructions in the heads of others. We are all the same me we differ only in imagination… and fantasy is made up of forms of experience. “

“You must be literate.”

“I only read occasionally – when I come across an interesting person and there’s a book about him – and a classic here and there … otherwise not much. The cops don’t like it when others read behind the wheel. “
” … and when alcohol is drunk before the ride “
” So you have to drink while driving. To their question, then answer the truth. Did you drink before the ride? No. The truth does not pursue a goal … unlike a lie.”

“You don’t laugh too often …Why do you think … I look like that?”
“You look more like a teacher … a professor you remember in a good one, rather than a laughing guy.” … do you want me to smile more? “
“Yeah … be natural.”

“Then make me laugh … with something.”
“I stole your chocolate from the compartment in the car …”
“My chocolate? I’m calling copi…” – he looked cruel. They both laughed.
“You choose ?” the waiter interrupted their conversation. “Do you have couscous?”
They laughed again, even though it was clear to them that this had put the waiter in an awkward situation.
“Of course we have” – ​​he replied. They tried not to laugh. It wasn’t about a funny situation … it just dropped the tension, just relaxed the laughter.
“And what would you recommend?”

“The lady will choose” – he told the waiter.
“Is couscous a condition?” – the waiter joined aloud. He looked at her questioningly.
“I like him … but he’s not a condition.”
“I would recommend Neptune Bowl … Sea salmon, shark, lobster, oysters with a decent dressing of wine, lime, caramel and chilli is a specialty of the company.”
“Isn’t that too snobbish?” – she asked the waiter
“It’s delicious and light,” he replied politely. “Side dish of couscous with fresh vegetables?”
“If you’re so kind …” she winked at the attendant.

“I never ate lobster” she told him as he left. “I’ve tasted it a few times … but I usually eat heavier meals … I never know how long I’ll have to put up with it.” “Does it matter that I ordered this?”
“Not at all … there’s no reason not to enjoy the food and maybe the couscous will be good too.” “Sometimes you speak like a book and sometimes you relax … you watch over yourself … once you say it will be good and sometimes it will be ok. I don’t know what fits you more” – she told him.

“You’re attentive and it looks very sincere …”
“I know … it complicates the male world a bit … they don’t know how to react quickly.” “So of course no one shows off their worst qualities … so we look nice, we smile, we play theater …”
“Do you play theater with me …?”
“You don’t give me much time for that … I’m just trying not to keep quiet. I’m nice to talk to you. I don’t mean any encouragement … it’s just nice. In the last year, it’s probably the most sentences I’ve exchanged … “

“Do you like it when someone pity you?”
“Good question … is a person generally happy to be sorry? … Why does a person behave like that …”
“I don’t want to talk about a person … I want to hear a clear answer from you. – she jumped at him.

“I don’t know the feeling … I don’t have much contact with anyone …”
“You poor thing …”
“I didn’t mean that … I did something last year, so I got three years under house arrest. “
“You poor thing” – she repeated provocatively.

“If you knew me, you wouldn’t say it. It was a well-deserved sentence with probation.” “What did you do?”
“He’s too far removed from one rule, but if I tell you about it, I’ll think about it … I see you’re much better.”
“I guess they put something in that tea …” she said casually.
“I’m fine today … almost beautifully … with a stranger guy …”

Lilith (XI)

“Of course..”

He got out of the car, out of habit, looked around, and opened her door. The street looked safe.

“It’s just a short walk and you’ll be fine.”

“Somehow it hit me …”

“It will be nice to see …”

“I was not in a restaurant nor do I remember.”

“Let’s see what they have and we sit down.”

He locked the car and they set off.

“Can you do it? … Don’t you want to lean?”

“No..thanks. I’m better now ”- yet she automatically accepted the offered frame.

“Hold on a second. I forgot to hit the phone on the charger… “

“without a phone even a step?”

“Sure, and all the while he’s on the charger, my steps will be without him …” he grinned.

“I will go with you.”

“Don’t worry – I won’t even touch your bags”

“It never occurred to me – I just don’t want to be alone on the street.”

They reached the car, put the phone on the charger, and go back to the restaurant. From a distance, they looked like a couple. Up close as well. A perfect delusion.

“Anything to drink?” The waiter asked as they sat down at a table in the corner.

“What will you want?” He asked her.

“Strawberry juice – or sorry – iced tea – green,” she replied.

“And for the master?”

“Wine… red ust Australia ..Syrah?”

“Will you eat too?”

“Yes” – there was a unison.

“I’ll be right back with an offer”

“Will you drink wine? Won’t you drive today? ”

“I should never have had alcohol – I’m still in the car”

“What if the police stop you?”

“”When the cage falls, it will always be worth it, I always want to live deservedly and, depending on how I like it, not how I can survive under some rules”

“Don’t you follow any rules?”

“I only follow 10 rules and they are enough for a happy life”

“Have you never broken them? “

“You can never break anything, you just don’t have to move too far – don’t make new rules.”

The waiter brought a glass of iced tea, lime, crushed ice and a glass of wine. “

“Bring me the whole bottle, so that you also have peace,” he offered the waiter

“It’s my job – I don’t mind, sir,” he replied politely

“Can you tell me something about yourself?” She asked as the attendant left.

“What are you interested in?”

“I’m a woman – I’m interested in everything.” “

“Anything specific? Profession… life ..? ”

“Something – just say something – you can talk -“

“”I don’t know how to talk amusingly about boring things – I’m a gray mouse..”

“Gray mouse giving money?”

“I don’t give – I let them earn … but they have no value. You know it for yourself. Ordinary things make me happy …and they are not things in the true sense of the word either. It’s more of the feelings I devote the most to. “


“Maybe I love … and I admit to being completely selfish ‘to make you happy. You don’t even know how terribly pleasant it is to think that you will make you happy. Unfortunately, one often has to guess. And in that, it’s my selfishness… and I know it. It’s complicated…”

“Selfish benevolent man?””If it doesn’t work out,” I won’t stop doing something that does me good. One must not stop thinking about oneself – when you do, you just give up and then there will be nothing to give. There is nothing left. It should be in balance. But it doesn’t always work – sometimes you have to – you don’t actually have to, but it can happen that a person reacts too quickly – and then it goes wrong. The balance arms swing… “

“Do you speak like Libra?” Are You Libra? I mean the constellation… “

“Is that how you see it?”

“Even if you can answer quickly,” these are the ones, “I’m sorry,” mentoring shit. Lecture other without touching anyone. I would say typical Libra”

“So the truth is, people, without distinction, are proud of their sign, and then they let themselves be influenced by what someone writes about them. It’s just psychology. “

“Do you know what sign I am?”

“Can I try to guess?”

“Well, on purpose”

“Wait – I’ll try to remember all your reactions – Fish?”

“No way … I’m not a fish…”

“I give up.”

“I’m a shark. I’ll bite if needed.

Lilith (X)

“and what should it smell like here?? …. You mean this?” – he removed the air freshener from the ventilation grille and let she smell it.

“Is that what you mean?” He asked. “It’s my colleague’s product. They make a living by developing new perfumes… they don’t smell bad, do they? His intention was to be cologne, with cannabis extract… I think the variety is called Desfrán … it’s a strange fruity sweet with citrus tones and with a hint of cannabis… it’s fresh… ”he smiled at her.

She didn’t seem surprised – she was surprised, she was convinced she had a Royal flash.

“The important thing in that car – that’s this” – and bundles of bills peeked out of the compartment under the armrest. Definitely a hundred thousand dollars – maybe more. Bens, Bens, Bens….

“Not the money, but under them” – he gradually pulled out all the bundles of banknotes and pulled a small plastic bag from the bottom of the compartment. The one used by dealers…. And there were a few fish scales in the bag.

“That was the most important thing in that car… These fish scales’ bring me luck.”

“You’re weird” – she still stared at the bundles of bills in disbelief. They would suit her for a new beginning.

“Why? Money has no lasting value – only immediate – there are places where you can’t buy anything for it. “

“But you can’t buy anything for fish scales either'”

“Sure” but money doesn’t bring happiness. ” at least not for me. The money is yours.

“And what category is this surprise from? Good … bad? ”

“I can’t take it … it’s not possible. It’s a pile of money, “she said.

“Have you ever seen a pile of money?” he asked her.

“Yup now.”
“I mean a real pile of money – I saw a very big pile. Several piles… and none stood no one happy. But I also saw a lot of luck with a few scales. “

Fairy tales… fairy tales – she repeated in her mind.

“Maybe not.” He replied to her thoughts. “That’s why I offer you to take them – maybe you will get what you really need for them – rent an apartment, buy equipment, whatever it will be enough for. Maybe in a year we can meet and tell me how much happiness they brought, okay? ”

“I can’t – not that they won’t help me now – but I just can’t.” – she didn’t even notice what he was reacting to.

“Well, if that’s not possible, I’ll have to leave with your pile of money now,” and that will bother me. Believe… I can’t keep them now… ”
“ What do you want for it?? Sex? Aren’t you a pervert? …. Or something? ”She looked at him a second time anxiously.

“You watch movies a lot,” he laughed. “Life is not a comic.”

“So what’s the point?”

“You already deserved them. I paid for a lesson in reality… and for that momentary feeling of happiness it was worth … “

“What if I don’t come anywhere in a year?”

“Then I’ll hope you’re okay.”

“You’re weird – aren’t you?”

“Everyone is like you.”

“I don’t believe you want anything …”

“So if you want, you can make me your couscous.”

“It won’t be right away, but – I have to get housing, work first”

“I thought you had a plan – that you were just moving – not that you ‘re on the escape -“

“I do not want to talk about it…”

“Respect… but in that case they will be more than useful to you…”

“I can’t … I don’t want to learn to be grateful,” committed “

“Are you grateful to your employer when you get paid?”

“It’s just too much.”

“They just used to pay little…maybe ‘”

“So you’re saying they’re” okay … I’ll put them in my bag now and I’ll go “and you won’t do anything – Do I understand correctly?”


“As you wish…” – she walked around the car and sat in the passenger seat. She put the bag on her lap, unzipped it, and began stacking bundles of money. She watched him to see if he was doing anything, but she didn’t see him head-standing, too close to the car. She could only see him pull a lighter out of his pocket.

He set it on fire. He saw her unzip the bag and bundle by bundle disappeared inside her. In the bag, he saw only quality hi-fi headphones and a Ferrero Rocher package. He leaned over to see the compartment in his door. His Ferrero Rocher package was not there. Everything is as it should be.

So done. She fastened her bag and didn’t know what to do next – she didn’t feel happy. The guy’s right… what kind of guy is he? – She thought. She didn’t want to get out of the car.

“Do you want to throw somewhere?” He bent down and peered into the car.

“What’s the matter with you? … Are you not feeling well??” he asked cautiously. “You are very pale”

“I’m hungry and I don’t know what to do … now.”

“I’m sure I know what to do with the first” when we solve the first, let’s try the second “

He closed the driver’s door and walked around the car to her side. Before he walked around him, she slammed the door on her side and tried to lock it. She panicked.

He shook his head, dropped his cigarette, opened the back door, and sat behind her.

“Is anything wrong?”

She was silent. She just leaned back in her seat. The adrenaline level she woke up with in the morning was just showing a free fall.

“Hello … Is something wrong?

“I don’t know … doesn’t happen to you?”
He realized the car smelled different. He still held a cannabis freshener in his hand.
“I’ll just put the freshener back on the grille, don’t worry” – he leaned over the seats and returned it to the grille. She smelled. Iris, tangerine, rose… beautiful scent. “Or not. I’ll put him back in the door. You smell so much better. You have a taste… You smell beautiful. ”
“ Do you like it? ”
“ I don’t know… it smells nice. So, are we going to lunch? Maybe you’re just hungry for it – you probably have enough today, don’t you? “

“Can I leave a bag here?”

“Of course..”

Lilith (IX)

She was guided to the center by navigation. She drove through the square and parked in one of the adjacent streets. Seamlessly. There was more than enough space everywhere. Alone in a foreign city.

She didn’t want to do anything until she returned the car to the owner. He didn’t call, which was weird. She wasted her time looking at shop windows with useless things. Uselessness can beautify new places perfectly.

She had a taste right now

get something. Some trifle. Something to remind her of this day. Picture? Cup? A mug is not a bad idea. I can make tea in it in the morning… In addition, the glass in which she made tea until yesterday was for shards… and shards in a basket… and a basket in Eden.

Shouldn’t I call him? Tell him where his car is? Yeah. I’ll call him where the car is and leave the keys in the car. She pulled a phone from her pocket.

Whore. In the call history, the call with him was an unknown number. Maybe he’ll call himself. He will definitely call. She had to – her head was racing.

“I think you have the keys to my car” – she said from behind her. She had time to put on an unperturbed expression.

“Aren’t you happy?” “It wasn’t safe.” “Now it’s up to you again” – she handed him the car key.
“That’s enough today.”
“I guess so … have you figured out where your couscous is cooking here?” “I’ve been here for a while … I didn’t have that big lead again. And couscous doesn’t cook, it’s getting ready …” – she instructed him.

“Where is the car?”

“In one of those alleys to the square,” I’d say there, “she said, pointing to her chin.

“I thought you could track your car.”

“If I have a charged phone, then ..”

“That’s why…” she understood.

“You’re going to show me where you left him – just in case.”

“Don’t you believe me?”

“I’ve done that once before.”

“You owe me …”

“For what?”

“For parking.” five bucks… have that half an hour for a dollar .. ”

“Shall we settle for the car? Consent?”

“All right – I’m kidding – I’m glad I got here so fast. It was fun…”

“Well, how for whom.”

“Did you feel helpless? At the wall?”


“A car stuffed with cannabis, or magic.” you can’t call the cops… stupid situation… it was careless of you .. “

“From me? You’ll see for yourself that I could call them right away. You just showed me my weaknesses. You scored in that. Your game was fun. But there’s something in that car that I really don’t want to lose. I’ll show you something at the car “- he laughed. She probably didn’t find it…

“And I’ll go to lunch here – if you don’t refuse,” he said as they passed the hotel restaurant.

“Maybe they have your goodness on offer”

“Maybe not…”

“So if you want to find out, I’ll invite you.” I ate last time yesterday morning and I will definitely go to lunch … “

EXCity is a magical place full of useless things, full of shop windows of useless things differing only in material, shape or color. They passed crowded shop windows. Baubles, whores, casinos… everything for residents and visitors of eX.

On the opposite side he saw a florist – I still have to buy those lilies – he realized.

“You see – he’s standing there,” she interrupted the flow of his thoughts.

“I’ll just see if everything is as it should be – and you’ll probably be surprised.”

“Surprise is never enough.” But only the pleasant ones “

“… and can you distinguish them from each other? Pleasant from unpleasant? ”

“Stupid question – Pleasant is pleasant to me and unpleasant is unpleasant – It’s easy –

“Or selfish … I think everything has a way of being pleasant …”

He opened the car… “Do you see anything illegal somewhere?”

She peeked into the car again. Yeah, it has to be here… “Can’t you smell it?”

Lilith (VIII)

“You don’t even know how happy you are.”

“Why do you think I don’t know … don’t underestimate … your words too …”

“Just words … like the Navajo code … you never know who’s listening to you … watching … you’re always interested in someone.”

“Big brother?” “Brother, sister, anyone … analyzers. But only a few people can translate it … they’re on the same page … Imagine you only have a few words to describe everything in the world.”

“Something like Apollo 13? Do you have this and do we need to make this?”

“Like … you just have to be able to make absolutely everything … absolutely everything, just what you have at your disposal. The evolution of experience.”

“For example?”

“Maybe I can only use words like Joker and piano …”

“I don’t understand”

“Well, you see – there are people who understand – they know exactly what I’m saying.”

“So what is it in your language?”


“So you need to say fantasies, you say Joker and piano … right?”


“So you probably already know why so many people don’t have fun with you …”

“I know – I don’t mind – sometimes.”

“Does it bother you or not?”

“It’s just a tax”

“Any coded phrase again?”

“No. Why? ”
“ Just like that… You and the tax sound the same as the Joker and the piano. ”
“ Well, you see, you’ve just created your own language. ”
“ I’ll stay with mine. “

“It’ll stay in your brain forever anyway … believe me… “

” And what does it mean … we’re going to eX for couscous? “
“You wouldn’t understand … and I really don’t underestimate you.”
“Dude, maybe for You, I’ll buy couscous too … I like it … I watch you get drunk, but I feel drunk.”

“I’m not drunk”

“I didn’t say that”

“And it doesn’t matter if you think it!”

“I’d rather not think about anything anymore – as if you ever read your mind.”

“..You overestimate.”

“No – I just don’t underestimate.”

“Only variations and combinations of probabilities of possible… Do you know how many slaps cost one caress?”

“Dude, a lot?”

“More than a lot… so much that you think you can’t take another…”

“Well, I don’t care about such a caress.”

“It’s not about reward at all.” It’s about the journey. “

“Oh my God, let’s be there.” Finally eX “- George almost shouted with relief –

“..Is a moment and I’m going out of my mind about you.”

“Maybe you lost him a long time ago …”

Certainly not me, George thought.

“Are you sure about that?”

“Go to …. Where now?”

“Here, for example. You go back. ‘I’ll take a walk.’ I still don’t know where couscous is sold here. “

“I don’t have to understand everything – not really. Should I pick you up somewhere then? ”

“I’ll let you know if I know.”

“I’m throwing you downtown.”

“Okay. I’ll leave you the rest of Jack … and borrow an iron from you … “

“Do you go to couscous with iron? Don’t you have yours? ”

“I have … with six’s. More arguments may be needed. “

“Do you want to help?”

“No … maybe I want to enjoy it.”

“Be careful.” Desert Eagl makes realy big couscous of everything. And you can’t play your Russian roulette… dude. ”

George stopped just behind the police car. The proverb about the lamp and the darkness is verified. A thousand times.

“All right – and if nothing.”

“As always,” I’ll burn like a holy picture in my hands. “

He got out of the car and headed past the police car to the department store. They didn’t even look up from their cell phones. There will be a gray mouse among humans. He turned on the phone and it beeped goodbye three times. And it is done. BF is God knows where and nothing has been agreed upon. He scanned the square quickly to see if he could see his car.

Lilith (VII)

He stopped at the curb without a word.

“Thank you – you helped me a lot – you have it with me” – she smiled again.

“Rather not.”

“Thank you,” she winked at him.

“Thank you too,” the sloth beeped

She ran to the barriers. She looked around and ran to the car. She gave the thirsty car a drink.

“You have to endure this for a while when your boss a greedy man,” she said to the vehicle. She left the empty canister on the road. It took a while for the pump to deliver fuel to the nozzles. The engine caught for the third time. And go..go. She could afford to go fast. Less than two gallons to the eXcity will suffice. She push on the music player. He said he listened to everything. So let’s see what else. She watched the traffic on the road. Wow .. are you listening to this too? She listed the song and

press playback… .Haciendo el amor a la misma que tu teca, Bebe no te pasa… Singing with her.


The battery is almost empty – he read on the display. Damn.

“What is the day today?”

“Tuesday – why?”

“Ah, that’s how it fits” – just a classic Tuesday – I just shouldn’t even turn on the microwave on Tuesdays.

“Do you have a charger?”

„?? Martina? You know her. Why?”

“Phone charger – moron, you’re incredible”

“Joke. It’s in the compartment in front of you… ”- George had fun at his expense.

He opened the partition. Desert eagle. Gun magazines. 0.50 AE IMI. No charger.

“You don’t have… just a pile of iron .”

“There must be …”

“So I’m probably blind.” wait, she’s here… you have a mess like a woman in a handbag. I hope it works. “

“She should – if you have the right connector”

“I can see it all wrong now. We’ll be at the gas station in a minute. I’ll try to get the right cable “

“Take my phone.”

“I can’t keep track of what I want to watch on your phone” – he wondered if he should announce that the nice girl had left him with the car. He doesn’t have to know everything. I would then listen to that for the rest of my life – he rejected the idea.

“Did you see the canister?”


“The canister on the road… looked forgotten”

“When you see a phone charger lying on the road, I’ll be interested – I don’t care about the canister.”

Georg drove into the parking lot.

“I’ll be right back” – he realized that he had said this sentence once before, and it wasn’t fast enough.

“Don’t go anywhere … wait for me.”

“Sure … I’ll wait until the door closes behind you and I’ll go to eXCity quickly to buy you all the couscous”

“Dude, don’t even move”

He just walked into the store, called the attendant – Hello – do you have phone chargers? “

“We’re a little gas station, I don’t think this will be here,” said the girl with the Shell headdress, “You’ll have to go to the citiy.”

“Okay, at least I’ll take this” – he grabbed Jack’s bottle, paid, got back in the car.

“Decent – I don’t think they had a charger,” George commented.

“They haven’t. Go!”

He unscrewed the cap and a good quarter of the bottle was gone. He looked at the phone. The battery indicator showed uncompromisingly that there was no point in wanting Bixby.

“Yeah, that’s why you need a driver today – Jack,” George laughed

“The devil knows what I need – I don’t know, but thanks for coming right away”

“Is something eating you?”

“I wouldn’t say that – I just forgot to have fun, to enjoy … I guess. There is less and less to enjoy. “

“Do you remember your words?”

“My words? … I’ve screwed up too much in my life to guess which one…”

“You really only enjoy your own death.”

“There are a lot of things that you can’t achieve in life, a lot of things will pass you by, even those you almost reached for – so why not enjoy what you will definitely achieve, enjoy something that you will not miss. “
” A lesson of philosophy – A lot of people are yours bullshit is fun and scary at the same time – I’m not sure how many times you mean it either “
” Only fantasies – people are scared only by their own construction of things – I have a negligible role in that. “
” Will you tell them? “
” Why? … Why? stealing fantasy? I’m just trying to wake up the imagination… “

” I’m completely impressed … when I see you with Jack “- George chuckled.

Lilith (VI)

George stared blankly at A – “What the fuck are you talking about that grain?”

He covered the phone with his hand and shouted to his friend – “Geoegi, if you keep quiet all the way, you have a box of vodka with me.”

“Are you there?” He asked the phone. Silence. Hush. No answer…

“George,speed up.”

“That’s well,” George said, stepping on the gas with satisfaction.

“Hi Bixby search car …” – he didn’t even wait for the application to start … he turned off the phone and hid it in his pocket. He looked at the “recipe” with scribbled flowers.


She bluffed. It wasn’t even a minute before she walked to the gas station. She was in sight. Maybe not a mile.

She waved at a passing car. Unsympathetic guy with a sloth visage with hairy hands.

“I just need a gas station here.” drought in the tank. “

“Sit down.”

“I’m driving short time… I thought it would work. But you see, it didn’t work out. ”She tried to speak so as not to leave room for questions.

“Still, it’s nice … thank you, you’re nice” – good for pretty girls. Then they can, go crazy with willingness, she thought.

“I refueled in the morning, so if want to throw you back at the car?” There is a exit on the highway in the opposite direction… “- he offered.

“That would be a great thank you. I’ll be right back. “

They sell a canister at every gas station. Canisters for those who thought it be all ok.

“Would you like some coffee?” The cashier asked her.

“Thank you, I’m in a hurry – I’ll refuel in it, I’ll take for a five bucks”

She reached the stand. She slipped the credit card into the reader. Gasoline or diesel? Damn. What is his car going for? There is no time…

… .. I always take gasoline accurately – she heard his voice in her head. Uf… he said everything about himself. She refueled too. One and a half gallons. She didn’t keep the little one in the spirit of the staff. She was in a hurry.

“Then we can go if you’ll so kind” – and she put on the kindest smile from category 1.

“Yes, we’ll be right there,” their hairy hands said.

How much time could I lose? Maximum 10 minutes – she counted. She had no idea if she had a head start. But when he called me, he shouted at someone – he was probably already sitting in the car – so there’s not much time.

“Stop me here – I climb the barrier.”

“It’s just a short walk to the next exit.”


She looked like an ordinary girl with a gun in her hand. And she wasn’t smiling. Certainly not.

He stopped at the curb without a word.

Lilith (V)

He pulled a phone from his pocket. “Hi Bixby..search my car” waited for the GPS tracking application to start. Fine… she goes in the direction of eXCity. At least.

“Hi Bixby..call BF”. He listened to the ringing tone, longer than he was used to.

“Hello sir” – BF said.

“Hi man, minor complications on the way – I’ll be there a little later”

“Some trouble?!

“No, nothing worth talking about. I just got a taste for couscous, so I’ll stay shopping…. “

“Couscous? … Dude, you’re starting to scare me – is this a new trend now?”

“Keep calm. Delay 30 minutes… hour at most.


“I’ll be in touch, bye.”

He took out a cigarette and lit it.

“Hi Bixby… call George” – the second side picked up the call almost immediately

“I’m listening”

“Saddle the horses and pick me up at the 76th exit on eXCity. Now.”

“OK. Give me 15 minutes … where are we going? ”

“Somewhere for couscous.”

“What? …” – he could imagine his expression – “..I’ll be there in a moment.”

“OK. I’ll wait. “

He hid the phone, leaned against the 76th building, and looked like a poker player. The player who announced the draw. He wondered if he had missed something – except that he underestimated it again. Somehow it was, somehow it will be. Are there any days when nothing abnormal happens?

George arrived with his second cigarette. He stopped right next to him. He crushed a cigarette on the peeling Happy Journey sign and got in the car.

” Where it will be?”

“If you have a full tank, then eXCity. If not, back to the stand. “

“Everything is as it should be.”

“Let’s go, calm down and buy a tree in the car. It stinks like a russian bus with vodka. “

“They have better couscous at eXCity than here?” George did not forgive the question. “That was a joke, wasn’t it?”

“I can’t tell jokes and that’s why I don’t tell them…”

“OK – we’ll go for couscous” when the cops stop us, I can tell them … gentlemens, I’m sorry for the fast ride, but we’re in a hurry – we’re going for couscous … this gentleman is dependent on him. Then they let me breathe… and they’ll do a drug test on you… .. ”

“I didn’t say we were in a hurry – just to take me away”

“You’re in a great mood!”

“I am in a great mood. I just can’t look like that

like a monkey… or God knows what kind you are. ”

“Then we will go like two decent gentlemen.” That will look perfectly normal, ”said George sarcastically. It will be fun again.

“Let’s go before six at eXCity at the latest.”

“Are they closing up a health food store at six?”

“At six, monkeys like you close … turn on the radio and drive,” and open the window. You stink like a moonshiner. ”

He picked up the phone. “Bixby? Search car… I’ll see if we’re going right “- he said rather to himself. She kept the right direction…. he kept watching her on the screen. It was more interesting than listening to George. He remembered the recipe. He reached into his pocket. He put the phone in his lap and opened a folded piece of paper with a recipe for the most expensive couscous in his life. He stared at him blankly for a moment… he picked up the phone again and typed in the phone number that was written on the ticket…

The phone rang for a moment….

“Please,” a woman’s voice said.

“What if I didn’t open the recipe?”

“So you would just an ordinary guy with a gun..”

“You would run out of fuel while driving quietly to the next gas station, but you drove faster. According to GPS, you’re about 30 miles ahead of Shell … you’ll have to walk a short distance … I always get gasoline exactly… “

“It works … I’m half lighter than you.”

Not stupid, he had to admit.

“Besides, I think you’re glad you don’t drive… Am I wrong? That’s not how Ambi Pur smells … is it? I’m sure you didn’t call the cops. “

“So the score is two …”

“Come on … it’s not a race … it’s just a service in return … you wanted to take me safely … you ripped the thorn off my heel … in return I would take the car where it was needed. “

“I invite you to couscous”

“Do you try to get off me by couscous? ” she laughed.

Lilith (IV)

The silence in the car, disturbed only by the muffled music and the noise of the tires. As she carefully selected the ingredients of the recipe, he stared motionlessly in front of him. He wondered when was the last time he exchanged so many sentences with someone. Year? Last time… but it doesn’t matter. Now or before. It’s not bad to talk here and there. Especially not to cry nonsense. Keep the conversation in this tone. She shouldn’t have seen the weapon – that’s a mistake. It will be a clue in her memory. He didn’t care for anyone to remember him for too long. It’s too long it’s too long. And most importantly not to… do not spoil her imagination. Make the most of her consciousness like a gray mouse. She will meet a lot of them in her life, so one mouse more or one mouse less….

“That’s it, I hope you enjoy it. It takes longer to write than to prepare “- she grinned at his back and handed him the described torn sheet from the recipe block.

“Thank you – I’ll really try it” – he picked up the ticket, folded it between his fingers and tucked it in his breast pocket.

“There will be a gas station in a moment, so I’ll stop again”

“Sure, I’m just a passenger – if you want to stop.”

Should I stop if I want to? What did she mean? Probably as she said… nothing more, nothing less. Don’t think about it.

“You can bounce or light it. I’ll only buy cigarettes and chewing gum”.

“OK – I’ll stay in the car”

He drove into the parking lot behind the gas station building and turned off the engine.

“I’ll be right back”

“I’m fine I’m not in a hurry”

He got out of the car and headed for the market.

She sat motionless for a moment, looking around the interior. Really nothing to see, the radio could let play…. In the compartment of his door, she saw a package of Ferrero Rocher and a few crumpled cigarette boxes. He left the keys in the ignition. She got an idea….

He left the market and unwrapped cellophane on a pack of cigarettes. He hated this useless piece of packaging. He headed for the parking lot. The car he arrived in didn’t stand there. He looked around to make sure there was no other parking lot with his car. It’s not. He realized it slowly. He laughed. Today’s second mistake… pretty. Pretty expensive recipe. Girl, if that couscous isn’t to be eaten, you have a problem.

“So, sir, and now we’ll find out how ordinary you are,” she said amusedly behind the wheel of a moving car.

Lilith (next..)

Finally, they left town and the car hit the highway. She realized they were silent. She got a terrible desire to light a cigarette. She looked over seat on the front panel to the ashtray. Pure… misfortune non-smoker. Rebel non-smoker. The long silence seemed rude to her. Indecently long.
“What kind of music do you listen to?” She broke the silence.
“Do you like music?” I like this band. “
“I love music, but I admit I listen to a lot of music.”
“I listen to everything – every music has something in it … If nothing else, then the lyrics. It’s inspiring. When we hit the gas station, I’ll stop and light it if you’re not in a hurry. “
“Not at all, I thought you were a non-smoker. I also feel like a cigarette.”
“I would still stop at a nearby rest stop. But no one lives there and I don’t want you to be afraid of an unknown guy alone “
“As you wish – I’m not afraid of you”
“I read somewhere that men are in far greater danger if they are alone with a woman.”
“Really? … Where?”
“I won’t tell you anymore – it’s been a long time. So the gas station or the rest area?”
“It doesn’t matter what comes first. And at the gas station, there should be no smoking “
The tapping of the turn signal relay announced a close turn. He drove to the rest area. So that it can be seen from all sides.
He offered her a cigarette.
“Thanks, I’ve got mine.” He seemed she smaller behind the wheel.
“OK” – he took a cigarette out of the box and lit it. She too. They stood by the car and smoked silently.
“Quite a hallucination,” she said. He looked in her direction curiously at what he meant.
“First hitchhike and hit the car that goes where you need to get.”
“Yes,” he admitted. “… And I usually take a different route. Not that
where you hitchhiked. You have it like by plane. Direct line”
“Or your hallucination” – he smiled. A pack of cigarettes fell to the ground. He reached for her. The jacket rolled up on his back and she saw the butt of a weapon.

“Why are you carrying a pistol?”
“It’s not a pistol – it’s a revolver. Somehow I became convinced that I could hardly protect the ID card … don’t worry. “
“Why are you carrying it? Are you a cop? Secret? ”
“I’m not. Am I an ordinary guy? ”
“Ordinary guys aren’t armed .”
“you don’t know them. The most ordinary ones usually do. ”
“I don’t believe – my father is an ordinary guy and he doesn’t carry a gun.”
“Does your father seem ordinary to you?”
“So you see – he isn’t ordinary, ‘I yes,….don’t worry. Will you come with me or will you stop someone else? ”
“I’m not afraid. I’ll go.”
“On the way we’ll stop for lunch somewhere – maybe you’re hungry!”
“Direct line with escort for lunch”. Thanks. I’m not hungry. And they rarely do couscous anyway. ”
They got back in the car.
“Don’t forget the belt – it’s really a stupid sound,” he said, looking in the mirror to see if it was fastening.
“Do you like couscous?” I don’t need him much. So far, all attempts to make delicious food from it have ended infamously. “
“You just can taste it – it takes a little imagination”
“Imagination? I would never say that I miss him. “
“Do you prefer sweet food or savory?”
“Sweet-salty, spicy – and now I’m wondering what you’re going to make of it,” he replied amusedly.
“Don’t worry, I’ll give it.” Can you have a lemon in that? ”
“Can … lemon is OK”
“The result will be reminiscent of Malaysian cuisine – do you like fish?”
“Like? ….. I love – you don’t even know how much”
She pulled a small notebook, an ordinary pencil, from her bag and began writing. “It will be good – you will see”
“I promise I’ll try the recipe then”

Lilith … (next part)

“Hello. Will you take me? ”She hurried to the car, which stopped.
“Sure, but I’m going to eXCity, so I don’t know if it’s in your direction.”
“Yes, yes.” So can I? ”
“Get on.”
“Can I sit to back?”
“Sit where you want ‘
“At the back …because of the bag.” there would be no place in front. You know … “
“Like I say … where you want – and put your seat belt on, don’t let the car whine – I don’t know where it turns off.”
For the second time since morning, she carefully closed the door, fastened her seat belt, and waited impatiently for the car to start.
“So where do you want to throw it?” He turned his head over his shoulder.
“To eXCity ..”
“Seriously? So we’ll go all the way together… ”- well, at least it’ll run away, he thought. He muted the car radio. The car started.
“I’m going to eXCity to see a friend. We haven’t seen each other in a long time. And you? ”
“I’m going to eXCity for work – I’m actually moving there.”
“Are you moving? With the one bag?”
“It was fast and I don’t need any more…”
Of course. Man really don’t need much “
She watched her disappear before her eyes, the place she knew so well.
“Do you hitchhike often?”
“No. I’m the first time “
“First? And aren’t you afraid? ”
“No. I should?”
“Well, definitely not for me – but still … moving with a trail. ..I hitchhiked often…. But no one ever stopped me… but it was a different time. I wore long hair at the time, which was not completely normal at the time, so I didn’t blame anyone. “
“Did you wear long hair? “- she looked at the dozen guy behind the wheel.” I can’t imagine you with long hair “
“It was such a time – you won’t run into rebels much today. There weren’t many ways to peek out of the crowd. “
“Were you a rebel?” She asked amusedly. “You don’t look like that”
“So rebel.” They considered me a rebel. For others, man is who others consider him to be, not who he is. ”
“Aren’t you?”
“Then I have no idea – he’s actually stolen from me, who else I think who I am”
“So you’re still”
“Maybe so to himself – the rebellion needs an audience and I’m not looking for crowds anymore”
“Yup, it goes with a age,” she slipped. She wondered if she could upset him as a reminder of his age differences.
He laughed. “So… with age… young rebel, old donkey”
“Not at all”


She smiled – carefully.
She smiled seriously. Then she laughed … and the glass that had fallen from her hands shattered into hundreds of safe shards. Hundreds of safe nothing. Nothing that could hurt her, nothing that could upset her mood …. Yes … it’s not dangerous … so it’s not even safe, but it has no consequences. Just shards. Just a problem for small pieces. Pieces that can’t be cut … pieces that aren’t dangerous. If only, it was so easy – she thought. If everything could be neutralize so easily. Plus, it was fun. As well as eliciting tones on the piano, which she can’t play … the melody still sounded in her head. Like a melody that you unknowingly whistle and hum throughout the day. Fun and pleasant at first. Piece by piece. Shard after shard which, again forms a whole. Harmonii. Harmony of pieces and the whole. It was as if she had discovered a recipe for happiness. At least for a while. She knew she would do a lot of shards tonight.
I won’t be Lilith today. Today I’m Lil. As my mom calls me. Just like Dad. Just like him. As you called yourself ..
Careful .. adorable confident. Today, anyone but Lilith … that’s why so much certainty .. she didn’t step on her … never and in nothing.
Do you want? Take it! … Don’t you want to? Let it be. Your choice and my will.
You didn’t play. Certainly not today. She was just enjoying the rest of her day off.
She Inhaled …
She felt so much freedom that maybe the nausea seemed unrealistic. She was still smiling as she fell asleep in the morning. Not because everything went according to plan … simply because there was no plan at all. So nothing could go wrong. Nothing could move away from any mantinels. She didn’t set them. Before she was lost in the most pleasant loss … the memory of the smell of vanilla flashed through her mind.
She got up early in the morning. She packed only the essentials and headed for the door. Halfway back, she looked back at the next room, where he slept contentedly.
“You bastard,” she whispered. Bang… bang.
With the utmost caution, she opened the door to make no sound and quietly, happy left.

Shall I continue?


Enough Just one word. Nothing else. No emoticon. No dot. There is no need to write a dot after enough. It’s already there. Hidden, but it’s there. At the first sight. It was the last word he wanted to read. That’s why it came last. Not without reason. He messed up a lot because he didn’t try hard enough. Maybe more than enough. It made him very sad. He didn’t know anything well enough. Not sufficient. Therefore, his performance was evaluated the same – insufficient. It just wasn’t good enough for a better grade. If he had experienced it more than once in his life, it probably wouldn’t have messed me up like that. However, it was a premiere. All that remains is to deal with it. If possible, fast enough The inspiration was over. The engine has cut off in recent weeks. We’re in place. Final station. Get off. He didn’t feel sorry for the next time he spent. He was sorry it was just a dream. Quite alive.

And enough… . Get yourself a shot, idiot. Bigger than usual. Don’t you drink? Your fault. You make a lot of mistakes. One by one. Life is not a childhood memory book. Life is a fucking bitch, that’s why it seems to you that bastards can handle it better. Step on yourself … become one of them. Of us. You were one of us. Before you wanted to be better. But understand. You will never be one. Never. You have it in your blood. You can only smile nicely. Do you remember? Yeah yeah …. not that long ago.20 years? 25? Does it matter? No one will deny it to you. You were fine downstairs with us, so why are you going up somewhere. To whom you need to constantly prove. Ah … you don’t like that calm style … tell yourself enough. Sounds tempting, doesn’t it? You know why? Because you’re old. Your brain, your best friend, is quite old. You think you’ve experienced everything. Trust me … you were just fucking lucky. But you haven’t experienced a fraction of what you could. Sure … it may not end well, but that’s not what you’re looking for. If you wanted to end well, you ended long ago. You have everything. Just not peace. Not the form of peace you are looking for. Still under control. Every step. You also write this in moments when you are not under supervision. You fulfilled your dreams beautifully. Bravo. Another burst of self-pity. That’s what destroys you. Most of all, you only regret yourself. It’s the only the real thing in your life. Your selfishness. Probably. There must be something like that. People don’t change. Neither do you. You’re just a player. 24 hours per day. Seven days a week. All life. Your bets correspond to the nature of the player. Va banque. About everything. You can lose everything, but only get what’s in the bank. It’s pretty stupid. But quite exciting. Winning is never as big as what you can lose. It’s easy. Because every game has its rules. But to make it to work, everyone has to play the same game. Play the game .. At least in two. The other one is the prize. Relational baccarat. Baccarat Banque. Cards are dealt. Then the exciting thing comes. The third card. Third. Enough. Near the target. But will it be enough? Will no one be closer? You focused so much on the atmosphere of the game itself that you have no idea how many players are playing. You’re just playing. You have no relationship with anyone or anything. That’s why you’re not so afraid of losing. You have nothing to lose. Everyone lives their lives. Only you are still trying to live someone else’s life. You’ve already screwed up yours, so why not fuck it up with someone else. That? Or do you think that someone will ever buy your words? You don’t understand what you’re talking about.

Just talking? And about what?

About life?

Its unnecessary length?

About transience?

About infinity?

The endless river of your nonsense?



(… part of my forthcoming book )