Once upon a time, there was a wee “Wanna”. Just your regular, bog-standard Wanna. Nothin’ too flash, just a plain ol’ Wanna. It fancied everythin’. This, that, the other, and Jaysus, it couldn’t go on without the whole lot. Wanna knew that if it didn’t holler, no one would know what it fancied. So it started yappin’: “I’m mad keen, so I am!” But not in front of everyone, mind. Just sendin’ whispers over the airwaves. Whoever tuned in could hear it.
By some feckin’ chance, a “Notions” picked up on it. (That was Wanna’s own fault, really. It was mad for Notions.) Beautiful, untouchable Notions. Nah, I’m not havin’ it, Notions said. I don’t fancy it. Not from you, not from anyone.
Now, this was a right kick in the arse for Wanna. “Why d’you not fancy it?” Wanna typed over the air.
“Eh? What’s it to you?” Notions shot back.
“Just tell me!” Wanna pleaded.
But Notions was havin’ none of it. No matter how much Wanna yapped on, Notions stood firm. “Listen here, ya eejit,” Notions said. “It’s nothin’ to do with you, but I don’t fancy it. Get it?”
Poor Wanna was desperate. It stretched itself three feckin’ meters tall, all puffed up. A proper sight to behold. Notions nearly dropped dead from the fright. “Get away from me, you big mad yoke! I don’t want you anywhere near me!”
Wanna was gutted. Properly deflated. Like an old airbed with a hole in it, lettin’ all the air out, slow and steady. It got smaller and smaller until it was just a wee scrap of itself. Barely there at all.
“Notions, please…” Wanna muttered.
“Please what?” Notions snapped.
“Please fancy me.”
“Not a chance,” Notions said. “And stop yer beggin’, ya sap.”
“I’m wearin’ me best trousers,” Wanna whimpered.
“Still don’t fancy it,” Notions smirked.
“Chancers like you don’t get the time o’ day,” Notions added.
“Chancers like you,” came a voice from above. “Will be stuck together. Forever.”
The big fella in the sky wasn’t takin’ no for an answer. And so Wanna and Notions were stuck, together but apart, arguin’ into eternity.
Listen close, and you can still hear ’em.
“Wannaaaa…”
“Not havin’ it!”
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