She smiled – carefully.
She smiled seriously. Then she laughed … and the glass that had fallen from her hands shattered into hundreds of safe shards. Hundreds of safe nothing. Nothing that could hurt her, nothing that could upset her mood …. Yes … it’s not dangerous … so it’s not even safe, but it has no consequences. Just shards. Just a problem for small pieces. Pieces that can’t be cut … pieces that aren’t dangerous. If only, it was so easy – she thought. If everything could be neutralize so easily. Plus, it was fun. As well as eliciting tones on the piano, which she can’t play … the melody still sounded in her head. Like a melody that you unknowingly whistle and hum throughout the day. Fun and pleasant at first. Piece by piece. Shard after shard which, again forms a whole. Harmonii. Harmony of pieces and the whole. It was as if she had discovered a recipe for happiness. At least for a while. She knew she would do a lot of shards tonight.
I won’t be Lilith today. Today I’m Lil. As my mom calls me. Just like Dad. Just like him. As you called yourself ..
Careful .. adorable confident. Today, anyone but Lilith … that’s why so much certainty .. she didn’t step on her … never and in nothing.
Do you want? Take it! … Don’t you want to? Let it be. Your choice and my will.
You didn’t play. Certainly not today. She was just enjoying the rest of her day off.
She Inhaled …
She felt so much freedom that maybe the nausea seemed unrealistic. She was still smiling as she fell asleep in the morning. Not because everything went according to plan … simply because there was no plan at all. So nothing could go wrong. Nothing could move away from any mantinels. She didn’t set them. Before she was lost in the most pleasant loss … the memory of the smell of vanilla flashed through her mind.
She got up early in the morning. She packed only the essentials and headed for the door. Halfway back, she looked back at the next room, where he slept contentedly.
“You bastard,” she whispered. Bang… bang.
With the utmost caution, she opened the door to make no sound and quietly, happy left.
Shall I continue?
Enough Just one word. Nothing else. No emoticon. No dot. There is no need to write a dot after enough. It’s already there. Hidden, but it’s there. At the first sight. It was the last word he wanted to read. That’s why it came last. Not without reason. He messed up a lot because he didn’t try hard enough. Maybe more than enough. It made him very sad. He didn’t know anything well enough. Not sufficient. Therefore, his performance was evaluated the same – insufficient. It just wasn’t good enough for a better grade. If he had experienced it more than once in his life, it probably wouldn’t have messed me up like that. However, it was a premiere. All that remains is to deal with it. If possible, fast enough The inspiration was over. The engine has cut off in recent weeks. We’re in place. Final station. Get off. He didn’t feel sorry for the next time he spent. He was sorry it was just a dream. Quite alive.
And enough… . Get yourself a shot, idiot. Bigger than usual. Don’t you drink? Your fault. You make a lot of mistakes. One by one. Life is not a childhood memory book. Life is a fucking bitch, that’s why it seems to you that bastards can handle it better. Step on yourself … become one of them. Of us. You were one of us. Before you wanted to be better. But understand. You will never be one. Never. You have it in your blood. You can only smile nicely. Do you remember? Yeah yeah …. not that long ago.20 years? 25? Does it matter? No one will deny it to you. You were fine downstairs with us, so why are you going up somewhere. To whom you need to constantly prove. Ah … you don’t like that calm style … tell yourself enough. Sounds tempting, doesn’t it? You know why? Because you’re old. Your brain, your best friend, is quite old. You think you’ve experienced everything. Trust me … you were just fucking lucky. But you haven’t experienced a fraction of what you could. Sure … it may not end well, but that’s not what you’re looking for. If you wanted to end well, you ended long ago. You have everything. Just not peace. Not the form of peace you are looking for. Still under control. Every step. You also write this in moments when you are not under supervision. You fulfilled your dreams beautifully. Bravo. Another burst of self-pity. That’s what destroys you. Most of all, you only regret yourself. It’s the only the real thing in your life. Your selfishness. Probably. There must be something like that. People don’t change. Neither do you. You’re just a player. 24 hours per day. Seven days a week. All life. Your bets correspond to the nature of the player. Va banque. About everything. You can lose everything, but only get what’s in the bank. It’s pretty stupid. But quite exciting. Winning is never as big as what you can lose. It’s easy. Because every game has its rules. But to make it to work, everyone has to play the same game. Play the game .. At least in two. The other one is the prize. Relational baccarat. Baccarat Banque. Cards are dealt. Then the exciting thing comes. The third card. Third. Enough. Near the target. But will it be enough? Will no one be closer? You focused so much on the atmosphere of the game itself that you have no idea how many players are playing. You’re just playing. You have no relationship with anyone or anything. That’s why you’re not so afraid of losing. You have nothing to lose. Everyone lives their lives. Only you are still trying to live someone else’s life. You’ve already screwed up yours, so why not fuck it up with someone else. That? Or do you think that someone will ever buy your words? You don’t understand what you’re talking about.
Just talking? And about what?
Its unnecessary length?
The endless river of your nonsense?
(… part of my forthcoming book )